I suppose for me, as time moves forward and life goes on, I become more comfortable with the way things unfolded for him looking back upon those final months. Of course there are things I wish could have been handled differently, or should not have happen at all; those will remain privately recorded in my diary for the curious many years from now, as will the many hours of recorded conversations with Phil over the course of his illness; but, I'm at peace with a process that left him in charge of his life and supported in his considered decisions. Certainly, as the disease progressed those of us appointed by him to intervene, when appropriate, found ourselves in the delicate and painful position of having to find the balance between his wants and his best interests, which were at times in conflict.
To say it is hard watching someone you love die understates. Experiencing that transformation from the one you knew, respected and loved whither away takes a firm grasp on one's philosophy to both provide the support and care required and to retain one's own health. I have been tested many times in this regard and my personal philosophy and spirituality has never let me down, fortunately. I feel for those who have no defined philosophy at all to draw upon. Or perhaps worse those who pronounce a belief but live it so superficially it is virtually worthless when seriously needed ... the "talk the talkers". To state the obvious, dying is serious business. It reminds us all just how mortal we are and how profoundly we need others, for in the end all that matters is family and friends.
